Saturday, February 14, 2009

Duck Season! Wabbit Season! Hire!

Okay, so it's been a while. I'm ready to accept that I am not a frequent blogger, and I hope you can accept that too. So it's interview season and the recruiters are poking their cute little sleepy heads out of their holes. My classmates and I are in full on hunt mode, some of us armed better than others. As with any hunting expedition, one must come properly equipped:
  • Appropriate camouflage to keep you from standing out in your surroundings. In this case, any dark business suit should do the trick. The important thing is that they never notice your clothes.
  • The absolutely essential recruiter call. When used properly with the skills gained in first semester survey courses, it can make you sound exactly like a well-rounded, qualified professional who belongs in their company and who is absolutely dying to to work for them because their company is exactly what you have always been looking for in their life. It must be used with caution, however. If done wrong, you will sound like a Dilbert cartoon, immediately spooking away any and all game.
  • A blind when set up properly can make any empty spots in your background look like a lushly grown thicket behind which you can hide any and all weaknesses. For example, when they ask why you weren't at work or school for 6 months after you graduated high school, instead of telling them you were at juvy, you can just say you were giving back by spending time with at-risk youth.
  • And, of course, any hunter worth his salt will have plenty of decoys. Only in the job hunt, they are called "references." Make the recruiter believe that there are a bunch of former colleagues that think you are absolutely super. Hopefully, you will nail the job before he stops to wonder why none of them have hired you.
  • Most important, of course, is the weapon of choice. Once the hunter is finally face-to-face with his prey, coming home with a trophy is now entirely dependent on the arsenal at his disposal. Unfortunately, I don't have a good job hunting metaphor for the weapon. Dang, that ruins this whole stupid post! Maybe I just forget it and delete the whole thing. It's not like anyone read this far into the post anyway!

So, yeah, you get it--it's like real hunting, until you get to the part where you kill the recruiter. I just can't think of any time that would be a good idea. Much less taking him home and putting his head on your wall, making stuff out of him or whatever. Okay, this is just getting gross. Stupid extended metaphors!


Melisa said...

You are at job hunt stage already? Whoa....

Ed said...

Well, it's just for the summer internship. The full-time search is next year.

Terina said...

Okay, if you don't blog often, I don't read that often. The metaphors were great. There is a writer (I forget what book series) who started out as a business man until he wrote a satirical essay on his boss. He was promoted to the media department by his bosses boss and it was all up from there.

FYI When we're entertained, we make it to the breakdown part. Next time, go on a little longer and don't make it so funny before you crash.

valgae said... not even a year and you already fell off the bloggin wagon? ur worse than me :P